One of 200 short (<500 word) pieces published throughout the day on National Flash Fiction Day, 6th June.
Buy this, and your skin will glow. Its surreal luminosity will render you irresistible to a designer-stubbled warrior with muscles sculpted in the gym.
Your eyes will meet across a dancefloor packed with lithe bodies, marginally less gorgeous than your own. Your every pose together will be a flawless still.
Your coupling will be free from bodily fluids or grunts or the schloop of a withdrawn penis.
In due course an infant will arrive, perfect, without blood or vernix. Your consort will remove his shirt and cuddle the infant to his broad ripped chest, thus revealing his New Man sensitivity. You will regain your figure swiftly, with the aid of a macrobiotic diet, exercise regime, and specially formulated multivitamins.
Your son will grow tall, brushing his large teeth three times a day with whitening toothpaste. His father will teach him to drive fast cars, to hunt, and to scent weakness.
Once your fortune-favoured offspring has left home to commence his brilliant future
the two of you, still in love and without an ounce of fat or an eyebag between you, will set sail on the luxury cruiser Sunset Bliss
to enjoy the fruits of your meaningful lives, and have vigorous sex for ever and ever.
Limited offer, one week only. Buy one, get one free.